another wonderful trip...

Normally I try to present some sort of moral, or “silver lining” when I write, but this time I cannot help it. I would like you to ask to please excuse my being a HUGE jerk, but I can’t take it anymore. I have to vent. I recently got back from another glorious trip for work. Santa Barbara, how bad could it be? Our branch was literally 3 minutes from the beach, my hotel was about 5 minutes, this should be a winner of a trip right? Wrong…

Now, I have learned through traveling, its much easier to get things you want and need if you are kind to the people helping you. But there are times when you really feel the need to light people on fire.

I left on time, extra time actually, I am always on time. I plan for delays. It makes traveling much less stressful. And since my traveling is to branches to shut them down, I need all the non-stress I can get.
I got right through security, went right to the gate, flight was on time, I boarded second, this is looking good. Until…

Please answer me this, why in the world would you send two 8 year old twin boys to Las Vegas on their own? And why in the world, Miss Airline Flight Attendant, makes you think I would like them sitting RIGHT BEHIND ME? First of all, Salt Lake to Vegas is only a few hours; drive them! There is no reason for you to put two small children on a plane. I don’t believe they were heading for a spleen transplant which could only take place in Vegas, and had to happen before 9am. I mean really? The reason I have 5 kids is because I didn’t want 6. I thought, “OK be cool, I can throw on my headphones 10 minutes into this and you won’t even hear them. Well let me tell you, not only did I hear them, I felt them, the entire one hour and 15 minutes. I have fairly decent headphones, and I had my movie as loud as my old man ears could handle. I could still hear them yelling:

“In my world, I am a black belt, and you are an orange belt, and I can chop you like this!”
“Well in my world, I am a ninja, and ninjas, can kill a black belt like this!”

I wanted to turn around and shoot them in the face with a bazooka, and yell, “IN THE REAL FRIGGIN WORLD I SPENT SOME TIME IN THE MARINE CORPS AND I AM FAIRLY SURE I COULD SNAP BOTH YOUR NECKS AND THEN PUSH YOU BOTH OUT THE WINDOW OF THIS PLANE DURING FLIGHT!”

Thankfully the stewardess used her Jedi senses and gently asked the monkeys to settle down. The first 12 rows of the plane breathed a collective sigh of relief. We then landed with only minor ninja battles taking place. Apparently, a level 10 master ninja black belt with purple stripes will out fight a secret spy karate master with super powers of death, who knew?

The next glorious episode in this lovely trip came when I stopped by the rental car counter. Now my first full time gig was a rental car agent, I worked that job for about 3 months when my dear wife and I were first married, I get it. I got to the counter and gave them my license and conf#. I was then promptly told, “You’re not in the system” (time to put on the charm…) “WeLL, here is my PRINTED CONFIRMATION FROM YOUR STUPID WEBSITE” was the inside voice, but what came out was; “Silly how those computers make things difficult sometimes, what can I do to help, here is my confirmation.”

“You’ll just have to wait until I help everyone else and we will see what we can do” he says… so I patiently wait, and wait, and wait. I am thinking, I swear, if I get back up to that counter and he tells me they don’t have any cars, I will jump across this counter and remove his pancreas, through his anus. He finally tells me he can help, but he can’t (won’t) honor the rate, or the car I reserved. Well that’s good, because when I woke up at 4:20 am the first thought that popped in my head was, “Gee I hope I get to pay $62.99 a day plus applicable taxes and California mandated fees to rent a KIA!”

Lucky me, be careful what you wish for.

Keep in mind; I am supposed to be at my branch at 1pm. It’s an hour and forty five minute drive from the airport, I still have not been given my car, I haven’t eaten, there may be a possibility of slight traffic in Southern California, and, oh yeah, its 11:45. Who needs lunch?

Finally I am by myself, got the iPod going in the fine luxury of my newly rented KIA, traffic is scooting, things may be looking up, or not.

My phone rings. I know you are not supposed to answer it in California, but it was a local number and I am afraid it was the movers calling me to pick up the furniture. I take a peek around looking for Ponch and John (CHiPs, who remembers!) and sneak an answer, good thing, it’s the movers, they are going to be there early, is that a problem?

After some sweet talking, and an agreement to let them date my sister (wait until I tell Jarrod he has a blind date) I talk them into waiting. Now for being in such a hurry, I was amazed at how long it took these two fine men to move 6 desks. Six, that’s all, pick them up, load them in the truck 20 feet outside my door, six desks. Nothing else, just six desks. 3 hours later, I am asking them how much longer, I have a wee bit of hungry tummy. I have other things to do, equipment to pack and ship, files to go through, you know, WORK!

I guess I just don’t understand why people have to be so frustrating. I mean, there is no way it could be me…..